Dear Discount Fruit and Vegetable Shop, please don’t turn the fruit upside down when half the fruit is rotting. I know you do it. So it just means I spend a few extra minutes handling and squashing all the good fruit turning it upside down to check if you’re playing tricks on me. It doesn’t work out well for either of us.
Dear Discount Fruit and Vegetable Shop, Please don’t try and deep discount weird items that are past their used by date. That Lindt chocolate that you’re selling for 50% less than anywhere else in the city sticks out. Last time I did that I regretted it. Don’t waste our time, please.
Dear Discount Fruit and Vegetable Shop, please don’t make specials like ‘15 kiwi fruit for $5.00’ . I hate that. I want to buy 2 kiwi fruits: not 15. Just let me buy 2 and we would both be happier. I now have no kiwi fruit, and you have a big pile of them.
Dear Discount Fruit and Vegetable Shop, please don’t confuse me when plain yogurt is actually sweet vanilla yogurt, and plain yogurt is hidden in the corner as unsweetened yogurt. That’s not what yogurt is, OK?
And Lastly, Dear Discount Fruit and Vegetable shop, thanks. You made my day with awesome peaches and great fruit, and were a hell of a lot cheaper. Fighting past the little old Italian ladies added ‘character’ to my shopping day, and I thank you. The unsweetened yogurt is awesome and really acidic. And no other shop I know sells fresh pistachios. You’re awesome!
Robert Schönberger
robert strudel schonberger dot org
